


It's You

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-03
Updated: 2006-04-25
Packaged: 2019-01-19 06:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12404739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: "Sirius, what's wrong?" "I ...I can't explain it ... I just ...," and then he kissed me.SBOC





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).  
  
---  
  
> Sirius Black. He is known all over the school for his good looks and charm. Every girl wants him and every guy wants to be him. I am no exception. Every time I look at him I get butterflies in my stomach and weak in the knees. The way his hair falls into his eyes, his smile, everything about him is wonderful. Yet I could never have him. I mean, there isn’t a girlfriend stopping me, it’s just the fact that he would never date a girl like me. I’m not skinny like the girls he dates, but I’m not fat. And I’m not especially gorgeous. I’m sure my best friend, Lily Evans, would beg to differ, but she’s got half the guys at school drooling after her, including one of my other best friends, James Potter.
> 
> He’s been after her for three years, yet I don’t think he seems to get it into his head that she doesn’t like him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, one of the best, but he’s very persistent, in an annoying way. I’ve known him since we were five (as well as Sirius), and he like a brother to me, which is why he doesn’t know about my infatuation with Sirius. The only problem is that Lily is my best friend; my only friend except for James and his friends, which includes Sirius, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Peter, well, I don’t really talk to him seeing as he really freaks me out. Remus on the other hand, is a really sweet guy. He is very quiet, but very nice and funny, unlike James and Sirius, who are loud and annoying a lot of the time.
> 
> Anyways, with James constantly chasing Lily, it’s really hard for me to choose sides. Of course I never have, I talk to the both of them, but it is getting very tiring. Hopefully this year she’ll get over herself and actually go out with him. It IS our last year. It’ll all turn out well, I know.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> “Kanika, are you ready? You have to leave in five minutes!” I heard my mother yell from downstairs with her Spanish accent.
> 
> My mother is Spanish, as you can tell, but my father in Indian, hence my name. Both my parents are pureblood, but my mother thinks more of it than my father. She’s one of those people, like Sirius’s mother, who believe that muggles are dirt and of course she supports Lord Voldemort. I don’t agree with her seeing as my best friend is a muggle, and I don’t think my father or my brothers do either. Both my brothers are older and in Auror training. They’re so lucky not to be in the wrath of my mother.
> 
> “I’m coming!” I yelled downstairs in response.
> 
> It was taking me forever to hurriedly pack my stuff into my trunk and take it downstairs. I forgot to pack everything last night so I threw most of it in this morning. I quickly levitated my things downstairs where my mother was standing at the bottom glaring at me.
> 
> “What?” I asked looking her straight in the eyes.
> 
> “Kani, I don’t want you talking to that boy in your year.”
> 
> “Which one?” I snorted
> 
> “Sirius Black, or any of his friends for that matter. He is a blood traitor and doesn’t deserve to be talking to someone like you,” she said confidently.
> 
> “Ma, I’m not going to stop talking to my friends.”
> 
> “Well, they are all exactly like him. A no good muggle loving scum bag,” she spat. I could feel my face getting warm and tears forming in my eyes, but I wasn’t going to cry in front of her. I quickly gathered my things and took them to the car, where my father was waiting to drive me to the train station. As we drove, I could feel his gaze upon me.
> 
> “Dad, I’m fine,” I said unstably.
> 
> “I know you’re not,” he replied in his soft, mellow voice.
> 
> “Dad, she can’t tell me what to do. I’m of age now, and practically on my own. After this year I’m gone. She can’t tell me who my friends are or aren’t. She just … “ I didn’t know how to express my anger without upsetting my father, which I didn’t really feel like doing at the moment.
> 
> “Kanika, you know your mother’s beliefs are her own. I don’t want you to listen to her, I know they are your friends,” he said. I gave him a small smile,” Plus I know how you feel about that Sirius boy.”
> 
> He gave me a small smirk, while I blushed a deep crimson.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> When we arrived at the station, my father and I rushed to Platform 9 ¾. I said a quick good bye and ran very fast through the barrier. A little too fast. I fell down, wondering what bone I had broken, when I heard another voice.
> 
> “Bloody hell Rai,” said a deep, husky voice. I knew who it was right away.
> 
> “I’m sorry Sirius. I went too fast through the barrier,” I said as I got up to my feet.
> 
> “No worries. I just came here to look for you. The train is going to leave any minute know and Lily was getting worried,” he said as he grabbed my things and led me onto the train.
> 
> As we were getting to the compartment, I couldn’t help but wonder why Sirius hadn’t cracked any of his wise jokes. Was there something wrong with him? ‘I hope he’s okay’, I thought to myself.
> 
> Sirius led me into the compartment where everyone as seated.
> 
> “Kani, I haven’t seen you all summer! How are you?” I heard a squeal. I knew it was Lily as I was engulfed into an enormous hug.
> 
> “Hey Lily! My summer was okay. How was yours?” I asked with a smile. It felt great to be back with my friends.
> 
> “Just peachy. I spent very waking moment getting ready for Petunia’s stupid wedding, and then I got here and was stuck in this compartment for half an hour with these imbeciles,” Lily said pressing a smile.
> 
> “Where’s James?” I asked.
> 
> “Right here,” he said behind me, scaring the living daylight out of me.
> 
> “Jaime, you bastard, you scared me,” I said as I turned around and gave him a hug. All he did in reply was give that famous crooked grin.
> 
> “Well, I’m off to the Heads’ compartment,” Lily said as she stood up and walked out. It was no surprise, seeing as she is a great overachiever.
> 
> “Same here,” James said as he quickly left, as if he were trying to avoid something. I froze. What did he just say?
> 
> “Shocking, I know,” Sirius said,” James is Head Boy.”
> 
> “Are you kidding me? What did Lily say? Why didn’t I know about this?” I asked as I sat down next to Sirius, across from Peter and Remus.
> 
> “They started talking during the summer, and Lily said she’s be friends with him. James sat at his desk all summer sending letters back and forth to her,” Remus explained.
> 
> “It was bloody annoying,” Sirius said shaking his head. I laughed in response.
> 
> In the time that Lily and James were gone, Remus, Sirius and I talked about our summers and much more. I’ve known about Remus’ condition since fifth year, and about the other three being animagi since last year, so they told me about all of their adventures. Sirius seemed very aloof during the conversation about our vacations. I’m going to have to ask James about that.
> 
> “Hey, Kani, can I talk to you?” James asked once he and Lily returned.
> 
> “Sure,” I answered as I walked out knowing exactly what we would be discussing, Lily.
> 
> “James, why didn’t you tell me about you and Lily becoming friends over the summer?” I asked once we were in the hallway.
> 
> “I didn’t bring you here to discuss Lily.”
> 
> “Still, you could tell me, “ I said crossing my arms over my chest.
> 
> “Later.”
> 
> “Then what?” I asked impatiently.
> 
> “I know,” he said with a smirk.
> 
> “What do you know?” I asked cautiously.
> 
> “I know who you like,” he said as if he had been transported back to second year.
> 
> “Oh really? And how did this come about?”
> 
> “Well, I happened to be thinking one night,” I snorted,” and it dawned on me how you go out of your way to be noticed by Siri-“
> 
> I covered his mouth with me hand.
> 
> “James, please don’t tell anyone. Lily is the only other person who knows, and I plan to keep it that way,” I plead.
> 
> “Well, someone else knows,” he said ruffling his hair.
> 
> “Who?” I asked with my eyes wide
> 
> “Remus. He figured it out and asked me about it after I figured it out,” James said.
> 
> “Well, make sure he doesn’t ell. I don’t need half the school beating me down because of it,” I said referring to the female population of Hogwarts.
> 
> “Don’t worry, I won’t. Just be careful okay?” he said looking me straight in the eyes. I raised my eyebrow.
> 
> “What is that supposed to mean?”
> 
> “I know Sirius is my best friend, but he can do some really stupid things. I just don’t want you to get hurt,” he said softly.
> 
> “Aw, thanks James. I promise I won’t,” I said as I gave him a hug,” So, what is this I hear about you being Head Boy?”
> 
> “I have no clue what Dumbledore was thinking,” he said laughing at my brilliant subject change.
> 
> “I’m happy you did though. You are still Quidditch captain right?” I asked eagerly. I couldn’t wait to start the new season. I played chaser, and I had been practicing all summer with my dad and brother Shawn when he was home.
> 
> “Yeah. You are playing this year right?’ he asked me quizzically. I shot him death glares.
> 
> “Of course I am. I’ve been training all summer with my dad and Shawn. I’m so ready,” I said enthusiastically.
> 
> “Well, it’s good to see someone excited,” he laughed.
> 
> “What do you mean? Are you not excited?”
> 
> “I am, its just … never mind. We should go back, we’ll be there soon,” he said as he walked back towards the compartment door. I knew this had something to do with Sirius and I was going to figure out exactly what it was.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> It had been a week into school and we were already swamped with homework. The teachers had told us they were going to be tough in order to prepare us for NEWTS. Lily, Remus and I are in all the same classes, while James and Sirius are in all but our arithmancy class. The copious amount of homework is going to get even worse when quidditch season starts, I can feel it.
> 
> “Hey Lily, what are you doing?” I said as I sat down next to Lily in the library.
> 
> “Hey. I'm trying to figure out this problem, but I just can't get it,” she said as she ran her hand through her hair. She only did that when she was frustrated.
> 
> “Let me see it,” I said as I took the arithmancy problem out of her hands. I quickly scanned over the problem she was working on,” Oh, here, let me show you.”
> 
> Arithmancy is my best subject, so I quickly explained to her how to do the problem.
> 
> “Thanks Kani,” she said as she went back to her homework.
> 
> “Hey, Lily, what made you finally become friends with James?” I whispered.
> 
> “Kani, why are you whispering?” she asked with a smile.
> 
> “I have no idea,” I smiled back.
> 
> “Well, I'm not sure. He wrote me over the summer and told me that he was sorry for constantly annoying me, and that he hoped I would forgive him. He seemed really sincere, so I forgave him. He then sent me another letter, which I informed him was annoying, and he asked if we could be friends, and I said yes,” she said. She didn't look up from her books once.
> 
> “Really?” I spoke matter of factly.
> 
> “Yes, why?”
> 
> “No reason,” I said as I looked down at the table.
> 
> “Kani, what is it?” she asked trying to look me straight in the eyes.
> 
> “I think you like him,” I said looking her straight back with a huge grin on my face.
> 
> “Oh really. Now what make you think that?” she replied in a cold tone.
> 
> “Well, every time you guys leave for patrolling you always have a huge smile plastered on your face. Then, when we're in class sometimes, I see you looking in his direction. And you're always talking to him during meal times.”
> 
> “So, that means that I'm just trying to be friendly,” she spoke shaking her head.
> 
> “Yeah, then explain why you're always staring at him. ALWAYS. There is never a time when you two are in the same room and you are not staring at him,” I challenged her.
> 
> “Well, I ...” she didn't answer me. All she did was turn a deep red,” Fine, I do like him. I mean, yeah, we've only been on friendly terms for a couple months, but in that time I've learned a lot about him, and I like it. It's not my fault.”
> 
> I squealed with delight. I jumped out of my chair and hugged her so tightly it is a miracle that she didn't die.
> 
> “Please quiet down!” demanded the librarian. I didn't want to listen, I was so overjoyed.
> 
> “Lily, why didn't you tell me?”
> 
> “What are you talking about? I just did,” she said started to pack up her belongings.
> 
> “No, I had to pry it out of you,” I said as I stood up putting my hand on my hip.
> 
> “Well, now you finally know,” she said with a smile. I just shook my head. That was Lily for you. Just so simple and general, never giving you more than you ask for.
> 
> “Hey Lily, lover boy is over there trying to figure out how to get your attention without pissing you off. I suggest you go over there before he makes a bloody wanker of himself,” Sirius said, as he stood next to the table we were seated at.
> 
> “Well, I think he already has,” I said as I pointed over to James. James was hiding behind a bookshelf pretending to read a book, and looking over at the table very indiscreetly. This made us all laugh.
> 
> “I’ll go talk to him,” Lily said as she picked up her belongings and walked over to James.
> 
> “He’s hopeless,” I said as I shook my head and Sirius sat down.
> 
> “Not as hopeless as her,” he said pointing towards Lily. I looked over and saw her giggling at his every word. It was sickening.
> 
> “You are correct,” I said disgustedly,” So, Sirius, what brings you to the Library?”
> 
> “James and his hopelessness. And I’m bored,” he said.
> 
> “Really? Well, that makes two of us,” I sighed.
> 
> “Yeah,” he said as he stared off into nowhere.
> 
> “Sirius are you okay?”
> 
> “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” he said defensively.
> 
> “I don’t know. You just seem really away, like something’s on your mind. You’ve been like that since the train. I just wasn’t sure-“
> 
> “Yeah, you weren’t sure. That’s what you should pay attention to. Just mind your own business,” he sad as he raised his voice and left. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Everyone in the library had turned their heads to see what all the commotion was about, even Lily and James. I quickly stood up and ran off.
> 
> **A/N: Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

I ran all the way back to my dorm, not stopping once even though I could here Lily and James calling my name after me. I couldn’t face them. I mean, I had no idea what came over me. I had never cried over a guy before. Once I got to my dorm I crawled into my bed and pulled the curtains around me. I sobbed into my pillow, pushing it to my face as hard as I could.

“Kani, are you okay?” I heard Lily ask softly. I knew she was standing outside of my bed.

I opened the curtain and sat up in the bed. She sat down and gave me a big hug, and I just cried into her shoulder.

“What happened?” she whispered into my ear.

I didn’t feel like talking. She probably knew that about me. I was never one to talk about my feelings; I usually just kept them bottled up.

“Kani, you have to tell me. It will make you feel better,” she kept on saying, knowing exactly what I was going to do. I stood up and grabbed a pair of track pants and an old t-shirt. I walked into the bathroom, and came out five minutes later dressed in the clothes I had taken in and my running shoes.

~*~

Running around the quidditch pitch helped me clear my mind. It was the only way I could be alone with myself, and just myself. My sort of thinking time.

I ran and ran, not thinking about how long I was out there, how many times I had gone around the pitch, or the sun setting over the horizon. Not thinking about what had happened in the library with Sirius or anything else for that matter. Just concentrating on clearing my mind.

As I started feeling tired, I saw James slowly walking towards me. I started jogging, then a quick walk. As James got closer, I was slowly walking.

“What was that about?” he asked as he and I went into the middle of the pitch and sat down. This was where we would always talk. It started in fourth years when he started to like Lily, and we would always come out here to talk. If he got angry he would come fly and I would come talk to him. If I was angry, he would always find me running.

“What was what about?” I asked, pretending to be completely oblivious of what he was asking. In response, he gave me a knowing look.

“I don’t know James. I just asked him if he was okay. I mean, he looks horrible. He looks as if someone has taken all the joy out of him or something. I just didn’t know what was wrong,” I said softly. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I wouldn’t cyr. I never cried in front of James. No matter what, I never would and never will.

James sat there, silent. He looked off into the distance, not saying anything. I knew he was thinking of what to say.

“He’s had a tough summer. More family drama, basically. I, I want to tell you, but …” I knew James didn’t want to be disloyal to Sirius.

“Oh,” I said.

“Kani, just, I don’t know what you should say to him either. All summer, we never talked about it. I know that it would make him feel better.”

“Yeah, I get it,” I said as I looked at the ground. I looked up at James who had a solemn face,” what’s wrong with you?”

“Huh?” he asked looking at me. I raised my eyebrow, knowing something was wrong.

“I dunno. This whole thing with you and Sirius is weird. I mean, Sirius has never been so aloof before, and you … you are totally in love with him,’ he said with a smirk.

“I am not!”

“Really? You just spent the past hour and a half crying over him. You have never done that before. When you went out with Adam last year, you never cried when you broke up or anything. You’ve changed, but it’s a good thing,” he said as if he was the wisest person in the world.

“First of all, Adam and I decided we were better off friends,” I said, remembering back to my ex-boyfriend,” Second, I wasn’t crying, I was running.”

“You know that’s your way of crying,” he said with a grin.

“Oh shut up.”

“It doesn’t matter Kani. I know it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I know that the reason you broke up with Adam is because you were in love Sirius. And that’s why you asked Sirius those questions, and that’s why you were out here running.”

“Should we now call you James the Wise?” I asked jokingly.

“Yes, because I am right,” he joked back with his lopsided grin. I just shook my head.

~*~

We walked back up to the castle, joking and reminiscing about years past. We walked into the common room and saw Remus, Lily and Sirius sitting on the couch by the fire. They were softly talking about something. James looked at me and I gave him a weak grin. He grabbed my hand and walked over to the other three.

“Hey guys,” he said as he sat down, pulling me with him. I was glad he chose to sit me next to Lily, who looked at me with a sad face and gave me a hug.

“Are you okay?” she whispered in my ear. I nodded.

I glanced at Sirius who was now looking directly into the fire, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

“Well, I’m going to bed,” Remus said as he stood up and walked up to the boys’ dormitory.

“Me too,” James said. He said goodnight to the rest of us and left.

I gave Lily a look saying ‘Don’t leave me’, yet she didn’t listen. She was the next to retire. I knew they were planning this.

Sirius and I sat there, not saying a word. I hate quiet. It drives me nuts. This was no exception. I couldn’t stand it. I got up and started walking up towards the dormitory.

“Wait,” I heard Sirius say.

I stopped. I didn’t turn around at the exact moment, but when I did, he was standing in front of me.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I just snapped. I didn’t mean to yell at you,” he said quietly.

“It’s okay Sirius.”

“No its not. You were just being nice and I was rude to you.”

“Really, it’s fine Sirius,” I said as I turned around and walked up to the dormitory.

~*~

This day was not my day. I woke up late with five minutes until classes. I quickly got dressed, grabbed my things and ran down to McGonagall’s room. I ran into three people on the way. I sat down in my seat next to Lily.

“What took you forever?” Lily asked.

“Don’t ask,” I mouthed to her as McGonagall got started talking.

“This year, you will need to keep on top of your studies. You have NEWTs coming up in the spring, and you must do your best in order to get the job of your choice. For some of you it will be the easiest thing in the world. For others it will be the hardest thing you have ever done. I hope that you will take this to heart and do your best,” she said.

I knew which category I fell into. Lily and James had it easy, along with Remus and Sirius. They were the top of the class and could easily get great scores without even studying. I, on the other had, had the hardest time. I got very good scores, sometimes beating out Lily and James, but I would have to study very hard.

“For our first test, you will be doing a project with a partner. An assigned partner,” she said, looking directly at Lily and I. We hated doing partner projects with other people.

“Your task is to write an essay five and a half feet long. Your topics will also be assigned to you. Please listen as I call off the partners,” she said.

I hope I don’t get paired with a Slytherin. I will just die.

“Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans,” was the first she called. I glanced at Lily who was blushing madly.

The list went on. As it did, I groaned with disgust. Sirius got paired with Ashley Wilkes, the class whore. I am going to die. Remus was paired with Jenny Li. I knew I was going to be paired with a Slytherin.

“Ms. Rai and Mr. Lorenz.”

I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t paired with a Slytherin. I was paired with Adam Lorenz, my ex-boyfriend. Things just got worse.

~*~

After class, Adam and I walked to our next class together, Potions.

“Well, it shouldn’t be too bad. We have to write an essay on animagi,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t think it would be this awkward between us. I mean, last year, after we broke up, we would still joke around, but we slowly grew apart.

“So, we can meet in the library tomorrow?” he asked as we walked in.

“Sure, after dinner?” I asked. I saw Lily talking to James with a huge grin plastered on her face. Remus was quietly awaiting the class to start, and Sirius was … talking to Ashley Wilkes. Not talking, but flirting. ‘Great.’

“Kani?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” I said to Adam, who was giving me a piece of parchment with something written on it. I said goodbye and quickly took my spot next to Lily.

Lily turned around from her conversation with James.

“So, you have to be partnered with Adam. That should be interesting,” she said.

“Oh yes. Very interesting. It was horrible talking to him. I didn’t know what to say,” I said putting my hand through my hair. It was a nervous habit, I just didn’t do it as much as James.

“I’m sorry,” she said giving me a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, well, I’m not sorry about your partner. James?” I said with a grin.

She just blushed.

~*~

I was so glad that the day was over. Dinner was something I was looking forward to all day. It meant classes were over and I could think about nothing except quidditch. The next day was Saturday, and quidditch try-outs. I knew I was already on the team because I’ve been on it since second year. All remaining players stay. I was going to help pick out the new chaser and seeker that we need. Hopefully, none of the newbies suck. Last year’s try-outs were horrible. A bunch of girls came just for James and Sirius. We barely had a team because of the lack of talent.

“Hey,” Lily said as she sat next to me,” thinking about try-outs?”

“How did you know?” I grinned.

“That’s all James would talk about in the library,” she said with slight exasperation.

“You sure are spending a lot of time with him,” I pointed out.

“We were doing our essay. He kept getting distracted though, and talking about quidditch.”

“Are you sure he wasn’t looking at you?” I smirked. Lily began blushing profusely.

“Kani, stop it we were working on our essay.”

“And he didn’t ask you out?”

“Well…”

“I knew it! You two have been hiding this from everyone!” I shrieked with delight.

“Kani, keep it down,” Remus said from across the table. He and the Marauders looked over, confused.

“Yes, Keep it down,” Lily said,” And besides, it’s only a Hogsmeade trip. Nothing special.”

“Yeah, nothing special,” I said, shaking my head. 


	3. Chapter 3

Quidditch tryouts didn’t go too bad. We were able to fill the spots after five hours. I think James had gotten tired of all the bad players.

Why’d it take so long?” Lily asked at lunch.

“Why don’t you ask the captain on your date in an hour?” I asked with a smirk.

“So, Lillykins finally decided to go out with James?” Sirius asked as he sat down next to me.

“I did not,” Lily said as she stood up and walked out of the Great Hall.

I looked at James, who had his head down the whole time. I could tell how hurt he was.

“Look James. You know how stubborn Lily is,” Remus said, trying to comfort him.

James didn’t want any of it. He just stood up and left the Great Hall. Remus and Sirius both looked at me, which was them basically wanting me o go talk to him. Those ninnies.

~*~*~*~*~

I went to the one spot I knew James would be, the lake. He once told me it was his favorite place in the entire school. It’s serenity and peacefulness calmed him, and let him think about everything.

“James, are you okay?” I asked quietly as I sat down next to him. He was violently picking grass, looking straight ahead while shooting glares of death.

“James, are you okay?” I repeated.

“Do I look okay?”

“James, you know how stubborn Lily is. It’s going to take her a while to acknowledge-“

“Kani, just stop. I’m sick and tired of this. Nothing I do is right for her. I can’t take it anymore. I want her more than anything, but she doesn’t get that. There’s nothing I can do to convince her how much I like her.”

I didn’t even know how to answer that. I’ve never seen James under so much anxiety over Lily.

“James, do you want me to talk to her?” I finally asked.

“What good will that do? Show her how incapable I am of doing things for myself? She already thinks that,” he spat.

“No she doesn’t.”

“Yes she does. Two weeks ago she said that I am irresponsible. She said that I can’t do anything for myself, and that my mother is probably at her ends wit with me.”

I sat there in awe of Lily. Of course, she doesn’t know that James’ mother in dying, but she has never insulted her like that. 

“James, it’s not like she knows. You can’t-“

“But she doesn’t want to know. She’s never tried being friends with me, or tried knowing me. You know I try, but she’s always pushing me away.”

“James, you should just come out and tell her,” I postulated.

“It’s not like she cares.”

We sat there in silence. I knew Lily wouldn’t want to hear any of it, but I also knew that she would care about James’ mother. I didn’t know how to comfort James. Usually he was the one comforting me about my problems.

“You know her birthday was last week,” James finally whispered, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I remember,” I said, looking p at him. His face had gotten softer. His eyes didn’t have that fiery anger in them. They were now calm, almost happy.

 “Sirius and I sent her Honeydukes,” he said quietly as he looked towards the lake.

“Her favorite,” I whispered, thinking about James’ mother. She was almost like my own mother when we were growing up.

“Yeah, it is,” he said with a smile.

~*~

When James and I got back, I slowly walked up to the girls’ dorm. I knew Lily was up there and I knew she wasn’t going to talk to me. I opened the door and saw her sitting in her bed reading.

“Hey Lily,” I said softly as I walked though the door. She barely acknowledged me back. I sat on her bed until she looked up.

“I know you’re here to talk to me about what happened earlier, but I won’t,” she said as she looked at her book. That was the one thing Lily always did when she didn’t want to talk to you, look away.

“Lily, why did you react that way?” I asked. She may have said we weren’t going to talk, but I knew she would. After what seemed like eons, she talked.

“Kani, I didn’t know what to do.  I said yes to him, but he was acting like his old self. I know he and the boys went out late, and it wasn’t for Remus this time. I confronted him and he wouldn’t tell me. He got very quiet. I know he’s up to his old ways,” she said quickly,” I reacted that way because I am tired of him being so immature.”

I knew what was going on, or at least I thought I did.

“When was this?”

“Last week,” she said, sounding a bit flustered.

“Lily, there’s something you need to know. James’-“

“I don’t want to here any of his excuses. I’m done with him.”

“His mother is dying,” I blurted. I know James doesn’t want her to know, but that’s the only way she’ll forgive him. Lily hesitated before replying.

“What?” she whispered.

“He’s known since last year. Her birthday was last week, and he was most likely sneaking out to get things for her, seeing as we haven’t had a Hogsmeade weekend yet.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Lily wondered out loud.

“He hates talking about him, and he didn’t want you to pity him. He almost didn’t even tell me, but I pried it out of hi,” I said looking into her eyes.

“I wouldn’t have,” she said softly.

“I know that Lily, but he doesn’t. You need to talk to him. Tell him what you just told me, and maybe he’ll feel better.  He needs to know how you feel,” I advised her.

She nodded her head in agreement. She slowly got out of her bed, fixed her hair, and walked out of the dorm.

~*~

I walked down to the common room and saw Sirius sitting near the fire. The common room was empty.

“Where is everyone?” I asked as I sat next to him. He looked up from his book and smiled.

“Well, Remus and Peter are in the library, and James went straight to the dorm when the two of you returned. Lily walked up there a few minutes ago as well.”

“Oh, okay,” I said. He continued smiling.

“What’s so amusing?”

“You got Lily to apologize. That’s magic.” I raised my eyebrow. He was one weird boy.

“I had to tell her about last week.”

“What was last … Oh. What did she say?” Sirius asked quietly.

“She wanted to know hwy he didn’t tell her earlier.”

“Oh,” was all he replied.  I looked up at him and saw he was looking down, trying to read but getting nowhere.

“Sirius, are you okay?” I asked sympathetically.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, looking at me. I could tell he was trying to reassure me with a smile, but it wasn’t working. I gave him a small hug, then walked back to my dorm. I knew he wanted to be alone.

~*~

At dinner that night, I noticed Sirius was a bit quieter than usual, based on the fact that he wasn’t saying anything at all. Lily and James were chatting away with each other, and it seemed to bother Sirius even more. He finally got up and left the Great Hall. James looked up, and then looked straight at me. I knew this was my cure. Why couldn’t these boys do anything on their own?

I went to the first place I thought Sirius would be, the Astronomy Tower. Sure enough, there he was by the window, looking straight out into the forest.

“Hey,” I said as I sat down next to him. He looked up and gave me a soft smile, the kind to make our insides melt. We sat there quietly, the silence almost deafening.

“It’s just so weird,” he finally said.

“What is?” I asked looking up at him. He was still looking out the window.

“Everything. Lily and James, James’ mother, everything.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“”Everything is changing,” he added.

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“I guess. But it’s just so fast, you know?” he practically whispered.

“Yeah, it is,” I whispered back. I couldn’t help but think about how right he was. Sure, things were changing between the two of us (as much as I wanted them to), but they were for others. Lily and James were finally together, James’ mother. It was probably the most surreal thing ever.

“We should get back to the common room,” he said,” it’s getting late.”

I nodded my head and stood up. We walked out and down into the hallway, walking in silence. As we got closer to the common room, Sirius walked closer to me. He grabbed my hand and looked up at him with a look of confusion.

“Sirius what are you doing?” I asked as he pulled me into a hug. My face was against his chest, and let me tell you, it was wonderful. He smelled musky and his chest was as flat as cardboard. I could’ve died.

“I don’t know,” he said as he released me and put his hand through his hair. I still had a confused look on my face. I’m sure it was beautiful.

“I just … I don’t know Kani,” his voice getting louder.

“Sirius, you know you can talk to me.”

“That’s the thing. Every time I try, my throat closes up, or I ramble in and on. I can’t help it, and it only happens when I’m you.”

“I was more confused now than ever.

“Sirius I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“I … I can’t explain it. I just …” and then he kissed me.

~*~ 

I know I haven’t updated in forever, but hopefully that’ll change. I’m working out some kinks with the next chapter, but hopefully I’ll have in up by the end of the weekend, or sometime next week.

Next chapter will have more about their assignments, meaning Adam, Ashley Wilkes, jealousy and Hogsmeade!!!

Please Review!!! 


	4. Chapter 4

“He what?!” Lily shrieked.

“He kissed me,” I said. I knew I was blushing; I could feel my cheeks burning.

“I get that, but why?” she asked. ‘How is she the smartest in the class?’ I thought to myself.

“Why do you think Lily?”

“I guess it means he likes you, but … why did he kiss you?”

“I don’t know. He was so confusing. I told him afterwards, that I would talk to him today.”

“Well, talk to him, and see what he says.” Lily may be the top of the class, but she is not the brightest when it comes to other things. I would have to say that she gives the worst advice ever.

“Kani, we have to go to breakfast,” Lily said as she stood at the door.

~*~*~*~

I avoided him. I avoided him like the plague. At breakfast, I grabbed toast and headed straight to class. I barely said a word in any of the classes (McGonagall asked if I was sick because I spoke so little), and at lunch I sat as far away from him as possible. I could feel him looking at me all day, as if he were hoping his eyes could magically see through my skull into my thoughts. I am now sitting with Adam in the library working on our essay, but I can’t concentrate. Sirius is sitting a few tables down with Ashley Wilkes, and it pisses me off. I know this is my fault in part, but if he likes me, he wouldn’t and shouldn’t be all over another girl.

“Kani, are you even listening to me?” Adam asked, tapping my arm. I was still glaring at Sirius, as if it would make him look over at me. I could see Adam out of the corner of my eye, and he looked over to where my eyes were.

“Ah, still hung up on Mr. Black?” he said, as he leaned back in his chair. I gave him a confused look,” Kani, I knew you liked him last year, and I know that’s why you broke up with me.”

I looked down at the table, too embarrassed to say anything. I mean, how would you feel if you had to talk to your ex-boyfriend about your current crush? I don’t think it would be such an easy task.

“Oh, yeah, well, I’m not hung up on him,” I managed to get out, after a few minutes of regaining my thoughts.

“Hmm, well, I can tell,” he said sarcastically.

“Oh, sod off Lorenz,” I said as I jokingly smacked his arm. He just grinned at me, like old times, the times when we were friends. I was immediately overcome with memories, memories of the times we used to hang out, laugh at nothing and everything, and just have a good old time.

“This is pretty awkward,” he said, breaking the ice.

“Nice observation,” I said with a smile.

“I know. Anyways, our essay is complete,” he said, holding it up as if it were a treasured artifact.

“Good, now give it to me so I can hold on to it,” I joked. We both knew how unorganized I was. I just said it to see that horrified look on his face.

“I know you’re only trying t be mean to me,” he said as he began to gather his things.

“I’m not being mean, I’m only being myself.”

“Ah, that is true.”

I playfully slapped him on the arm.

“Well, what do we have here? Surely, you’re not together again?” I heard Sirius’ voice say.

“Sod off Sirius,” I said not even looking up. I didn’t even want to see him right now. He knew well my feelings towards Adam. They were only friendly. 

“Oh really now? You surely weren’t saying that to me last night,” I could sense the grin on his face. I glanced at Adam, who had raised his eyebrow. I could feel the anger in me rising, which is not good. Actually, it is never good.

“You know what Sirius? I’m sick of you. I’m sick of your flamboyant attitude. I can’t stand the sight of your face, the sound of your voice, or anything about you. You are so arrogant and conceited. I can’t stand you,” I said as I gathered my things together and left the library. I didn’t get as mad as I could have, which I guess it good. It would’ve been nice to give him a fist or two in the face, but I didn’t think he was worth it.

~*~*~*~*~

“I heard about your little temper tantrum with Sirius,” Lily told me, as we were getting ready for bed. I gave her my ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ look. 

“Kani, it wasn’t wrong.”

“I didn’t say it was Lily.”

“I know you didn’t, but I know how you’re feeling. You hate it when you yell at people, and you get your little guilty feeling,” she said as she sat down next to me.

“Actually, not this time. That bloody wanker deserved it. As a matter of fact, he deserved more. I should’ve beaten the crap out of him. Then he would’ve gotten all that he deserved,” I said as my anger boiled up inside me again. Never has Sirius ever treated me like trash. Sure, I ignored him, but he should’ve expected it before kissing me the way he did.

“Kani, I know you’re exceptionally mad at Sirius, but don’t you think you’re being a bit irrational? I mean, you ignored the guy, and then blew up in his face,” she said softly.

“Lily, do you know what he said to me?”

“Yes, Adam told me.”

“So then why do you think I’m being irrational? If it were last year, and you and James were in this situation, you would agree with me.”

Lily was quiet for a few minutes. I knew she was thinking about what I had said, and I know that I was right.

“Kani, you should just apologize.”

I looked at her in shock. My best friend was telling me to apologize to the guy who treated me like trash. Shouldn’t your best friend tell you that you were right and give you comfort and support? Apparently not.

~*~*~*~*~

I was now officially not talking to Lily or Sirius. That morning, I walked into the Great Hall for breakfast and sat right next to Adam.

“What, may I ask, has gotten into you?” he asked, in awe that I was sitting next to him.

“Well, I’m not talking to Sirius, which you should know,” I said as he nodded,” and I’m not talking to Lily.”

“May I ask why?”

“Last night, she told me that I should apologize to Sirius for yelling at him. I told her she was being irrational, and that if it were her and James a year ago, she wouldn’t be telling me to apologize,” I said a million kilometers an hour.

“Whoa, slow down,” he said with a grin,” Now, why would Lily want you to apologize to Sirius?”

“Because they’re both insufferable gits,” I said, as I glared down the table to where Lily, James, Remus, and Sirius were silently eating.

“That’s sensible,” he said as he went back to eating.

“Adam, what am I supposed to do?”

“About what?” he said, looking up at me.

“About those prats. I mean, I can talk to you right?” he gave me a look as I spoke.

“No, you can’t. I am far too busy to spend my time with you,” he said jokingly.

“Fine, I can see that I am not wanted. I will just go sit by myself then,” I retaliated.

“I’m just kidding around with you,” he said as he pulled me down to the seat next to him.

“I know,” I said with a smile. He just shook his head.

~*~*~*~*~

I spent the whole day with Adam, and realized just how much I missed him. Not as a boyfriend, but as a friend. I sat next to him in every class, and at lunch and dinner as well. We were sitting in the common room working on our homework, when the stupid prat had to come bother us.

“So, I guess the rumors are true. You two are back together,” Sirius said,” Though I don’t know what either of you see in each other.”

“Sirius, go away,” I said without looking up from what I was writing.

“No, I don’t think I will,” he said, pulling up a chair next to me.

“Sirius, what’s your problem?” I asked, looking up from my work.

“Problem? I don’t have a problem. You do, seeing as you are dating Lorenz over here.”

“We are not dating. We are simply friends doing homework together,” I said as the anger grew inside of me.

“Oh really then. Well then Lorenz, you wouldn’t mind if I did this,” he said as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the common room.

“What the hell are you doing Sirius?”

“We need to talk.” I laughed in his face.

“Oh really? Well, you didn’t seem to want to talk last night when you pretty much called me a slut,” I yelled in his face. His face started going soft on me, which meant he was going to say something insightful.

“I was jealous,” he muttered.

“I couldn’t tell,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Look Kani, I was mad because you were ignoring me. Then I see you in the library with Lorenz, and-“

“WE ARE JUST FRIENDS!!!” I yelled,” WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?”

“Kani, don’t yell at me, just let me finish,” he said, looking at the floor. I was really tempted to punch him in the jaw, but I let him talk.

“I just want to know why you ignored me.”

“Sirius, are you daft? You kissed me! You had a lapse of judgment, forgetting that we are friends, and kissed me. What was I supposed to do? You are one of my best friends, and think it’s kind of awkward when your best friend kisses you,” I said, trying to cool down my temper.

He didn’t say anything. He just nodded his head as if he understood, but I knew that he didn’t.

“I didn’t know what to do Sirius. You caught me off guard. Then you start harassing me in the library last night, and I lost it.”

“I didn’t mean to do that. You know how I get …” he said softly.

“How you get? Sirius, we aren’t kids anymore. You don’t go around calling people sluts.”

“I know.”

“So then?”

“Kani, I don’t know what to tell you. You should know why I did all of that,” he said. He looked me in the eyes, as if I were going to jump him right then and there.

“Sirius, I don’t know why you did that,” I lied.

He looked at me briefly, and then walked back into the common room. I knew I made a huge mistake.

~*~*~*~*~

I walked back into the common room, and received glares from James and Lily. I walked over to Adam, and gathered my things. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and turned around to see James. He grabbed my wrist and pulled my outside, just as Sirius had done.

“Not again,” I groaned.

“What is your problem?”

“James, what is your problem?”

“Kani, stop it. I know that Sirius explained things to you. How could you just break hi down like that?” he asked me. He was looking right into my eyes, and when James Potter looks you in the eyes, he’s being serious about things.

“James, I-“

“You weren’t thinking, that’s what.”

“Will you let me speak?” I asked as I sat against the wall. He nodded his head and sat next to me.

“It was weird. The other night, when he kissed me-“

“HE KISSED YOU?” James practically yelled.

“I guess I should start from the beginning,” I said. I told him the whole story, starting from the other night when Sirius was in a bad mood up until now.

“Well, I don’t think that you should’ve apologized. He was right to say sorry first, and I don’t know why Lily wanted you to apologize. But I do have a question for you.”

“What?” I asked, looking at him.

“Why did you freak out when he kissed you? I mean, you’ve liked him for almost a year. He finally kisses you, and you freak out.”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting it. He was in this really foul mood, and I didn’t think he was gong to kiss me,” I said matter-of-factly. James nodded his head in agreement.

“But it’s not like I didn’t like it,” I said with a grin. James just shook his head at me.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I finally walked back into the common room knowing that no one was going to grab me. At least, so I thought. I felt this giant weight grab me, and hug me.

“Kani, I’m sorry I said all that to you last night,” Lily started sobbing,” I didn’t know all that had happened. I’m so sorry.”

“Lily, get off me,” I said as I pushed her off,” and what the hell has gotten into you?”

“Remus told me everything, and I’m sorry that I told you to apologize.”

“Actually, after I talked to him tonight, I really do need to apologize,” I said, looking up at James, who nodded in agreement. Lily gave the both of us a confused look.

“James will fill you in,” I said as I walked up the steps to the boys’ dormitory. 


	5. Chapter 5

I paused as I reached the door of the seventh year boys’ dormitory. ‘Just say sorry, and see where it goes from there,’ I told myself. I knew what I had to do, but I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I opened the door slowly, very slowly.

“Sirius?” I said softly. I heard a soft grunt from the bed directly in front of me. The curtains were drawn, which meant that he didn’t want to be disturbed, but I had to talk to him. 

“Sirius, can I talk to you?” I said as I stood by his bed.

“I dunno. It seems like every time we talk, one of us gets too angry,” he practically whispered.

“Well, I’m just here to say I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“For ignoring you, for lying to you, for everything.”

“When did you lie to me?” he asked as he drew the curtains.

I bit my lip. This was what I had been waiting for. Now that I had the chance, I wasn’t about to let it go, but I wasn’t about to jump on it.

“I know why you did what you did,” I said. It didn’t sound as great as it did in my head, but it worked. 

“Oh,” he said. I could see him relax a little.

“Yes, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” I said. I slowly turned and was about to leave.

“Wait,” he said. I turned around, and he was standing right in front of me,” you know why I did all of that?”

“I believe so,” I said looking up. We were the same distance as the night he kissed me, and I knew something was gong to happen.

“Are you sure?”

“Sirius, what are you on about?” I said with a smirk.

He bent down slowly, and gently placed his mouth upon mine. I wasn’t shocked, but I also wasn’t expecting it. I slowly kissed him back, but I knew I shouldn’t have. I pulled away.

“Um, Sirius …” I said as he put his head back, and pulled his hands through his hair.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I really wasn’t going to I just-“

“It’s okay. I just, can we hold of for a few days? I mean, we just reconciled, and I don’t think this would be the best thing to do right now,” I said. I hate it when I’m logical.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” he said softly, as he looked at the ground. 

“Okay, well, good night Sirius,” I said as I gave him a friendly hug and left.

~*~*~*~*~

“How did it go?” Lily asked as I entered our dorm.

“Better than I thought,” I said as I lay in my bed. I didn’t want to change. All I wanted to do was think of Sirius and that kiss. I know I may have contradicted myself, but I didn’t say that I DIDN’T want to be with him. All I said was that I wanted to take it slowly.

“Tell all,” Lily said as she sat next to me.

“Fine,” I said as I sat up,” I said I was sorry, and he asked me for what. I said was sorry for ignoring him, and for lying to him. He asked me when I lied to him, and I told him I lied when I told him I didn’t know why he did all this junk.

I then was about to leave when he told me to wait. I turned around and he was right in my face. He asked me twice if I really did know why he did all that stuff, and then he kissed me,” I finished. I knew I was blushing, and I could feel a grin appearing on my face.

“Again? Did you slap him?” Lily asked, as if my life were one of those stupid muggle soap operas she enjoys so much.

“No, I didn’t slap him. I told him that because we just reconciled, I didn’t think we should be smooching. He agreed and we decided to wait it out,” I said.

“Awe, that’s so sweet,” she cooed.

“How is it sweet?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.

“Because it is. And you didn’t get mad this time.”

“Oh.”

“How was it?” she asked with a smirk.

“How was what?” I asked back, even though I knew what she was talking about.”The kiss.”

“It was fine.”

“I know you liked it last time when he kissed you,” she said.

I didn’t answer; I just looked towards the end of the bed.

“Kani, c’mon.” I gave her a look, and she was trying to give me the puppy dog look. It wouldn’t work and she knew it. There was only one person who could break me with that, and he was the one person I was trying not to think about. Well, it’s not like it was working.

“Oh fine. It was wonderful,” I said, trying not to sound like one of Sirius’ or James’ fan girls.

“Hmm, I’m sure you have more to say about it.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because you kissed Sirius Black. The one person you’ve been wanting to kiss since last year.”

“Why is it that you and James both said the same thing to me?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“Oh no you don’t. You are going to tell me all about that kiss, even if it kills you.”

“Fine Lily dearest,” I said, finally giving in,” It was wonderful. Truly wonderful, and I wish that it had never ended.”

“Really?” she asked. She really was hopeless.

“Yes,” I sighed,” you know I’m not very good with all this emotional stuff.”

“Well, you’re going to have to be good with the emotional stuff.”

“Oh, and why’s that?” I asked.

“Because you are going to have a boyfriend soon,” she said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

I laughed, and threw a pillow at her. She retaliated and a small pillow fight began.

~*~*~*~*~

So I guess you could say that everything was back to normal. I was now sitting with Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus again. I still talked to Adam every now and then, but not too much. He had his own friends after all.

It was a couple of days before we left for Christmas. I was dreading going back home. I tried doing everything I could to get out of it, but my mother had to dictate everything.

“I hate this. My mother says if I don’t stop complaining, I won’t even get to come to your house for new years’,” I complained to James at breakfast.

“Then you better shut up,” he said. I just glared at him.

“It shouldn’t be that bad,” Lily said.

“Lily, I don’t think you have ever met my mother,” I said,” The thing is, she’s not like any other mother.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, ever Christmas, we are forced to go to some stupid pureblood party. It’s always held at the Malfoys’, and it’s utterly disgusting. And then on top of it, she makes sure I can’t owl anyone,” I droned. Of course I didn’t tell her about the other stuff, about my mother always lecturing me about what despicable friends I had (her words, not mine).

Lily didn’t know what to say. Every time we ever talked about the purebloods, she never knew what to say, seeing as she is a muggle.

“It’s fine Lily. I’ll figure something out,” I said as I grabbed my things and walked to class. I hated talking about my mother. She was everything I am against. I mean, she isn’t as bad as Sirius’ mother. Sirius’ mother actually hit him a couple of times, but mine is only talk. She’s always droning on about how James’ family is a disgrace to the wizarding world, because they don’t mind muggles and all. I always have to remind her that my father isn’t pureblood himself, but half-blood. All of the ‘blood’ talk drives me mad. I used to talk about it with Sirius all the time, because his mother would do the same, but not lately. I think it’s really beaten him down. I know he doesn’t live at home anymore, and he hates talking about that stuff now.

I walked into the classroom and took my spot. Students started filing in, taking their seats. My head was down, so I didn’t see every one come in, I could just hear it all. I heard the seat next to me being occupied, and I lifted my head to see who it was. Sirius gave me a small smile. I tried to smile back, but it was probably the weakest smile ever. I just didn’t have it in me. The Professor walked in and began the lesson.

~*~*~*~*~

**_Are you okay?_ **

Sirius was writing me a note. 

_I guess._

I passed it back to him, right in front of the teacher. He obviously wasn’t paying attention, because I did not get attention. Honestly, Professor Binns is the most inane being ever. 

**_Really?_ **

****

Sirius, I don’t really feel like talking about this.

**_Well maybe you need to._ **

I glared at him, and all he did was shrug. I knew he was doing the right thing, but I didn’t really know what to say.

I just don’t want to deal with her when I go home.

I guess talking was the best thing to do, and writing it in notes was even better. This way I wouldn’t have to actually speak.

**_Why don’t you go to James’ or Lily’s house?_ **

I already tried that. I wrote a letter to my dad telling him I was going to the Potters’, but my mother always reads the post. She wrote me back telling me I would do no such thing and that she would be at the train station herself to pick me up, just to make sure I didn’t pull anything.

Sirius took a little while to read what I had written. He scratched his head, which meant that he didn’t know what to say.

“Class, please turn to your partners and discuss the chapter. That is all for today,” Professor Binns said.

I turned to Sirius who was still thinking. I smiled inwardly at how cute he looked. Sure, it wasn’t the best thought right now, but it did distract me from the thoughts about my mother. He finally looked up at me and spoke.

“Well, we need to discuss the witch trials,” he said looking back to his book. I could see the smirk on his face. I playfully slapped him across the arm.

“Sirius, you got me to talk, and now you’re going to ignore me. Hmph.”

“I was just joking,” he said looking up with a smile,” But I don’t really know what to say.”

“Just like everyone else,” I said, defeated.

“Why don’t you just comply to whatever she says, and then you’ll be able to come to James’?” he suggested.

“Do you know what we are doing for Christmas?” I asked him, looking him in the eyes.

“What?” he asked, as if he knew it wasn’t going to be horrible. I pulled out my mothers’ letter from my back and gave it to him to read. He quickly scanned it. When he got to the bottom, I knew he saw what I wanted him to.

“Regulus? Your mother wants you to date Regulus?” he said in shock.

“Yup. And we are going to The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black for Christmas,” I groaned. Sirius was silent. I knew it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, but I told him because it was the right thing to do.

“Class, you are dismissed,” Binns said. Everyone left their seats and rushed out the doors. Remus, James, and Lily waited behind our table, but I signaled for them to leave. I looked at Sirius and could tell he was thinking.

“Sirius, are you okay?” I asked, touching his arm gently.

“What?” he asked, finally looking up. His eyes had that glazed over look, the one he gets when his mind is moving a million miles an hour,” Oh, yeah, sorry. Let’s go.”

He grabbed his things and walked out the door. I stood there in shock. How could he go from being sulky, to rushing out the door?

“You coming?” he asked, as he popped his head in the door.

“Yeah,” I said, running after him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That night at dinner was pretty silent. Lily, James, and Remus were talking amongst themselves, but Sirius and didn’t say a word. I’m sure he was too bust thinking about his family, or lack there of, and I was too busy thinking about everything. My mind was in wheels, moving millions of miles an hour, thinking about my mother, Sirius, and everything else. 

“Hey, Kani, we’re going back to the common room,” Lily said as she, James and Remus stood up.

“Oh, I’m coming too,” I said. I got up, and Sirius did as well. We all walked up to the common room, and Lily and James were constantly whispering. We arrived, and the other three grabbed their cloaks and left, for they had patrolling duties tonight. Sirius and I sat down by the fire, and naturally, we didn’t speak.

“I’m going to bed,” Sirius finally said, breaking the silence.

“Oh, okay,” I said as he stood up and headed to the dormitory.

“Wait Sirius,” I said as I stood up. He turned around and I gave him a hug.

“I’m sorry for giving you the letter,” I said as I pulled away. I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t drop his arms from my waist.

“It’s fine Kani,” he said, his head drooping to the ground.

“Are you sure? You don’t seem fine,” I said as I tried to pull his head up.

He finally put it up, and he had a huge smile on his face. He rested his head on my shoulder, and I couldn’t help but laugh. That was Sirius for you; one moment he was serious (no pun intended) and the next he was laughing his head off.

“Sirius, what are you doing?” I asked as I got him off of me.

“I don’t know,” he said as he turned around and headed up the stairs.

“So you’re just going to leave me hanging here? What are you doing?” I yelled up the stairs. I was getting funny looks from some of the other students, but I didn’t care. I could hear him rummaging around up there. He finally came back down with James’ invisibility cloak.

“Let’s go,” he said, grabbing my hand.

“Sirius, where are we going?” I asked as he guided me out of the common room. He pulled the cloak over the two of us, a task that was way too familiar.

“Guess.”

I should’ve known. We were going to the one place where Sirius found peace, a solace some would call it. It was the only place I knew to find him when he’s had a row with anyone, or where he went when he was having problems at home. Most would say this would be the Potters’, but James and I knew better. It was the one place where he and I used to talk back in the second year when his problems really started. We were headed to the Astronomy Tower.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Most would say the Astronomy Tower is for snogging. They would be right. The only time it isn’t being used for snogging is when Sirius is up there. He always kicks the people out, and of course they listen. Everyone is too scared that he’ll pull a prank. When we would come up here in our second year, everyone thought the two of us were snogging because no one was here to actually see us talking. 

We walked in and surprisingly; there was no one there. We sat down in our usual spot, right across from the window. Sitting there in silence was normal, and that’s what we did.

“You know, I really feel bad for Regulus,” Sirius finally said.

“Why?” I asked in shock.

“Because he’s never thought for himself. Since the day he was born, my parents were always force-feeding him everything about purebloods. Once he got to school, he stuck around with the same sort,” he said, looking straight at the half-moon,” He’s never once made his own choice. I think my mother loves that she has that sort of control over him.”

I didn’t say anything. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I didn’t know if I should. I think, however, I should’ve.

“I think that’s what my mother wants to do with me,” I said. I didn’t want to. I hate getting emotional. There really is no point to it.

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, for one, she’s always insisting I do things a certain way. This past summer, she continuously went on and on about the way I act. She says it’s despicable, and I probably learned it from hanging out with you guys,” I said, seeing the funny look in Sirius’ eyes,” and she always goes on about how I shouldn’t be friends with Lily, because she’s a muggle, as well as James because he’s what she calls a ‘muggle lover’. And then-“

“She probably doesn’t want you with me either,” he said with sharpness to his voice.

I raised my eyebrows toward him. He rarely got defensive with me.

“Yeah, and your point is?” I asked nonchalantly. He didn’t reply.

“Sirius, I obviously don’t do what my mother says, so why do you think I would listen if she told me to stay away from you?” I asked slowly.

He didn’t say anything. He was on a roll, probably a record even for least amount of words spoken in one night.

“Sirius, will you answer me?” I asked, my voice a little bit stronger than I meant for it to be.

“What do you want me to say?” he replied with even more force.

“I don’t know. Say something, anything.” Sirius was really getting on my wits end.

“Kani, I don’t know what to tell you. I know you want me to say something, but I can’t.”

I sat there, without a clue in my mind as to what I should do. Sirius was lost for words, which is not something you see everyday. I was in my own little realm with everything going on. I couldn’t take it.

“How about we don’t talk about any of this stuff?” I asked. There was no other way to do it without biting each other’s heads off. I am sure of it.

“Yeah,” he complied.

“So.”

“So,” Sirius sighed.

“Sirius, can we go back now?” I practically whispered, after what seemed like eons.

“Yeah,” he said as he stood up. I followed suit, and we got underneath the invisibility cloak and headed back to the common room.

~*~*~*~*~

The train ride home was dreadful. The whole time I was trying to distract myself from the fact that I would have to see my mother, but I couldn’t. It practically haunted me, and I don’t know why. I was only home a few months ago, but this time felt as if something was going to happen.

The train stopped at Kings’ Cross, and Lily took my by the hand and led me to the girls’ room.

“Kani, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“You have this weird look on your face. Are you okay?” she asked sympathetically.

“I think so. I just have this weird feeling, you know? I guess it’s because of my mum, but I can’t explain it,” I said softly. She looked at me, and then gave me a tight hug.

“If anything happens, you can apparate over to my house, or even James’. You’re welcome any time you want to come,” she said.

“Thanks Lily,” I said, giving her one more hug. We walked off the train together, and gathered our things.

I saw James and Sirius with Mr. And Mrs. Potter. I waved over to them, and saw the huge smile on Mrs. Potter’s face. I decided to go say hello.

“Hello Vivian,” I said very formally as I gave Mrs. Potter a giant hug.

“Hello Kanika,” she said with the same formality. It was a small joke between the two of us, to call each other by our full names. Mrs. Potter was like a mother to me. Not like, practically was. She was always there for me.

“How are you doing?” I asked, with a tone of seriousness. I knew she didn’t have long to live, and it killed me inside.

“I’m doing just fine Kani, don’t you worry. I do think I see your parents over there though. You best be getting to them,” she said. I groaned inwardly.

“Okay, well, then I will see you in a couple weeks Vivvy,” I said as I hugged her. She gave me a small smile. I turned around to James, Sirius, Remus, and Lily.

“Have a good break Remus,” I said as I hugged him. IN his ear I whispered,” I hope you’re okay tomorrow night.”

He gave me a small nod, though I knew he was dreading the full moon tomorrow night. I turned to James.

“Bye Jamie,” I said as I hugged him.

“You can come over whenever you want,” he whispered, knowing that my parents were merely a few feet away. I simply nodded.

“Bye Sirius,” I said. I was about to hug him as well, but he pulled away, and shrugged over to my parents. I shook my head. He was being quite annoying.

“Lily, I’m going to miss you,” I said as I hugged her the tightest. She was my best friend, and I hated these stupid breaks.

“I’ll miss you too Kani,” she said.

“Well, I’m off,” I said, as I pulled away from Lily.

I walked over to my parents. I could see the scowl on my mother’s face, and the grin on my father’s. I don’t know how the two of hem got married. They were complete opposites.

“Hello mum, papi,” I said as I hugged my father, then my mother. My mother gripped me very tightly, as if she were trying to squeeze my guts out.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Well, that was a very nice show Kani,” my mother said when we got home. Of course we apparated from the station, so it only took a few seconds to get home.

“What are you talking about?” I muttered.

“You hugging those boys, and then that muggle. You should know better than that.”

“Mum, they are my best friends.”

Here we go again. We go through this argument about once a week when I am home. It’s got to be the most annoying thing ever.

“Kani, they are not. They are muggle lovers, or worse, blood traitors,” she spat. I ran upstairs before it got worse. The one thing I hated most in the world was fighting my mum. She always ended up saying something horrible about me to my face, and I always ended up in tears. I wasn’t about to let that happen again. 

I ran into my room, and grabbed a few things. I shoved everything into a bag, and looked for more to pack up. After about thirty minutes, I had everything I needed packed into five large bags. I did a quick shrinking charm, and put them into my pockets. I softly opened my door and walked down the stairs.

“Well, it’s nice to see that you are back to your senses,” my mother said I entered the kitchen. ‘Damn! She always knows I’m going to go to the kitchen,’ I thought to myself.

“Actually, I’m getting a biscuit,” I said as I picked up a cookie from the plate on the counter.

“Hmm, well, we are going shopping. Put your cloak on,” she said briskly.

“I’m not going shopping with you.”

“Yes you are young lady. We need to pick out your gown for the Christmas ball. You need to impress Regulus,” she said.

“Eww, I would never touch that scum, even you I was at wand point,” I said, picking up another cookie.

“Well, you must. I certainly will not have you parading around with that blood traitor. If you wish to date a member of the Black family, it must be someone suitable,” she snapped.

“First of all, mother,” I spat,” I am not dating Sirius.”

I watched her cringe at his name. She hated it more than anything in the world.

“Second, I don’t parade, I walk. And I am not going to the Christmas ball at the Black residence,” I said.

“Of course you are. There will be other suitable boys there for you,” she said with her thick Spanish accent.

“Mother, I’m not going,” I said, wiping my hands on a towel,” I’m going to Lily’s”

“You will not!! Not that muggle’s house,” she yelled.

“Watch me,” I said as I apparated right out of the kitchen to Lily’s room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“That was quick,” Lily said to me right after I landed on her bed.

“Yeah, well, this is okay right?” I asked as I pulled my bags out of my pocket. I charmed them back to size, and stuck them in the closet.

“Of course. I told my parents you would be coming tonight,” she said with a grin.

“You know me too well Lily,” I said as I sat back onto her bed.

“What happened then?” she asked as she sat next to me.

“She wants me to date Regulus Black.”

“What? You’ve got to be kidding me!” Lily practically wet herself.

“Yeah. She wrote me about it, but I didn’t think she was serious.”

“Does Sirius know?” Lily asked.

“Yes,” I sighed,” I told him a few days ago. Remember when he was being all spotty with everyone?”

Lily nodded.

“That was when I told him. Anyways, my mom went on about my behavior at the train station, and the usual stuff. It just really got to me and I don’t know why,” I said.

“Lily, is Kani here yet?” Lily’s mothered yelled from downstairs.

“Yes mum. We’re just up here talking,” she yelled back. Lily looked at me, signaling that we go downstairs.

“Hello Kani,” Lily’s mum said as we walked into the kitchen.

“Hello Mrs. Evans. The kitchen smells wonderful,” I said. Mrs. Evans was cooking dinner, and from prior experience, it was always wonderful.

“Thank you Kani. Lily, there was an owl that dropped off a letter a few minutes ago,” Mrs. Evans said, pointing over to the table. Lily picked up the letter, and her face started glowing. That meant it was from James. She opened it and quickly read it. Lily then walked over and handed it to me. I looked down at it and saw it was from James.

“What?” I asked.

“Just read it,” Lily said.

**Lily,**

**I was wondering if you and Kani wanted to come over in a few days. My mum said it was okay, and I know Kani probably wants to see Sirius. Let me know.**

**~James**

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, referring to the comment about Sirius and me.

“I dunno,” Lily said with a grin.

“Lily, what’s going on?” I asked. She dashed for the stairs, and I quickly ran behind her. She forgot that I was on the quidditch team, and a bit more athletic than her. I beat her to the top of the stairs and blocked her off.

“Lily Evans, you tell me what’s going on.”

“Fine, in the room,” Lily panted as she pointed to her room.

We walked into the room and Lily closed the door.

“Talk.”

“There really isn’t anything to explain. We are kind of tired of the two of you always at this awkward point in your relationship,” Lily said. I gave her a confused look.

“For instance, right now, what exactly are you and Sirius? Are you friends or what?” she asked me this as if she were trying to do a report.

“I guess we’re friends,” I said.

“You guess. That’s the thing. You aren’t sure. James and I think that you should know for sure.”

“Why are the two of you stressing out over this?” I wondered aloud.

“Because we see the looks on your faces. When you’re with him, you look really happy, but when you’re not, I can see that you’d rather be with him,” she said.

“I do not!”

“Yes you do Kani. James said the same thing about Sirius.”

I sat in silence. Was I really only truly happy around Sirius? I never really noticed it, but I think I am. I mean, I can understand where they are coming form. It was hell when I didn’t talk to Sirius for those few days when I was mad at him. But was I really unhappy?

“Oh,” was all I could reply back to Lily.

“Don’t think about it too much. You might hurt yourself,” Lily joked. I threw a pillow at her,” Not this again.”

“Don’t worry, no pillow fights tonight,” I said with a grin.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily and I decided not to go a few days early to James’ house. We told him via fireplace (A/N: like w/ Sirius in the fourth and fifth books) and we could see his disappointed face. I think the only reason James wanted us to come early was to see Lily, not for Sirius and me. Lily and I came to this decision because we realized we hadn’t had a lot of ‘girl time’ in a while. Sure we talked at school, but this is different. This was like a slumber party times ten. Plus, we had tons to talk about.

We told James we would arrive on Christmas day, in the evening, so that Lily could spend Christmas with her family. That day finally came, and I could see the jitters running through Lily

“Lily, what’s wrong?” I asked.

“What do you mean what’s wrong?” she retorted. She was pacing back and forth in her room, as if she was looking for something, but in truth, I knew she was very nervous.

“Well, you keep pacing back and forth across your room, which is an activity you only perform when you are exceptionally nervous,” I said in my best psychiatrist voice. Lily looked at me, and smiled. Mind you it was a nervous smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“Kani, I don’t know what to do. I’m meeting James’ parents for the first time,” she said as she sat down next to me on her bed. Her leg wouldn’t stop twitching, which also meant that she was nervous.

“Don’t be nervous. They won’t grill you for questions or anything. The worst that will happen is them telling you stories of James’ childhood. You never want to hear those,” I joked.

“Kani, this isn’t a joking matter,” Lily whined.

“Yes it is. You are freaking out over nothing. James told you himself the other night in the fireplace that you shouldn’t worry about coming over to his house.”

“It’s easy for you. They are your godparents,” Lily complained,” I mean, you’ve known them your whole life.”

“So? I’m telling you, as a person who has known them my whole life, that you have nothing to worry about. Now, let’s get our bags together,” I said, grabbing my things.

A/N: I know that the ending of this is kind of choppy, but I didn’t want to make it so long. It’s fifteen pages already, and I really wanted to post this. Just consider this part one. I will warn you, however, that part two will be just as long, or even longer, which means it may take me a while to update. I wrote most of this over break, and I’m back in school now. Hopefully I can find time to type! Please review!! 


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